It’s hard to know where to start, because I’m the kind of person that could really never run out of things to say. I thought this time of my life would really benefit from a new kind of “journaling” exercise. I have a lot of notebooks in my apartment, full of emotional writings of heartbreak, happiness, fond memories, poems, etc. The only blog I’ve ever written was for my collegiate Senior Project, based on War & Peace, a book I barely read. So as you (whoever you are, probably a really close friend of mine…) read through this- the project is really in its infancy. There’s so much of life that can’t really be transcribed into words, but I’ve always been fond of trying.
Post number one, here we are. I have Beyoncé blasting into my cool girl, over ear, JBL headphones on the train ride back to NYC. To be clear, no one else refers to them as cool girl headphones, just me. Having been home in MA for the last two weeks, I feel an aching sense of returning to myself, my space and eventually back to a routine. I made a joke to my therapist this morning that my “rug” is currently 20 feet off the ground, because of all the shit I’ve swept under it in the last year alone. If you also use humor as a coping mechanism, welcome. One of the hardest realizations I’ve realized (like Kylie, the year of realizing, and everyone is just realizing things) is that life does not slow down, even slightly. That shit is a runaway train. I’m working on taking time to intentionally slow down, and I will talk a lot about the learning and unlearning I have to do. Nothing could have prepared me for the pace at which time moves as we get older.
I promised myself that the end of the last so called “relationship” would not be the end of me. At 27, there are more crash and burn love experiences than I might care to acknowledge. It sounds cliché to be such a hopeless romantic…in this economy? If you ask any single person in the New York City area, “how is the dating scene?” I’m quite positive you’ll be met with some of the most horrendous tales of heartbreak and overall douchery- from ALL SIDES. None of us are excelling at this, and if you are, I envy you. I want what you have, I can’t lie. Watching couples hold each other as the subway sways, sitting across from each other at the dinner table, laying shoulder to shoulder in the park… leaves a pit in my stomach. I’ll explain why relationship is in quotes and lead by so called, in that first sentence. Shared experiences among many women include the ever present, “what are we?” and followed by, “oh.”
Lucky you, I am going to provide some Normal Gossip (my favorite podcast) level past/present/future stories of dating and all of the experiences that brought me here, and happen as we move forward.
_____________________________________________________
I hope you like.
Sense of Self: Blog and Portfolio 